Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Urban Conservative Gets the FJM Treatment

You can find the whole thing here...

But I'm just going to excerpt a few things and then make fun of them. It's lazy blogging, I know, but I've already done my research for the day.

"It is our duty as Americans to make sure that they do not pass this bill."

What bill could they be talking about, that is so bad that it is our duty, as red-blooded, freedom loving, patriotic Americans to defeat? A bill to abolish the United States? A bill that violates constitutional guarantees and our sovereign treaty obligations by allowing CIA torture? A bill that requires the original copy of the constitution to be graffitied over with a hammer and sickle and sent to North Korea to be used as toilet paper by this guy? No?

As it turns out, it's far worse. It's a bill that would extend the government's commitment to helping people gain access to health care.

Churchill once said that whoever does not learn from history is destined to repeat it...

Not to go off on a tangent, but does that mean that if some schoolchild, somewhere in the world, doesn't do her history homework, we're all going to have to relive the Bush years? It hardly seems fair.

Throughout history, it has been made clear that printing massive amounts of money to throw at all your problems temporarily solves problems, but in the end causes runaway inflation.

Of course, had we learned Reagan's history of runaway deficits we wouldn't have been doomed to repeat them with 8 years of Bush deficits, followed by the greatest economic collapse in 70 years. That's the point here, right? No? Maybe the point is that we did learn our lesson and elect Clinton, a progressive who eliminated the deficit? Not that either? Huh.

But the money being spent is not the most troubling aspect of this new bill.

Oh. Never mind then.

Everything about this new health care system would be regulated by the government.

Holy Shit! This sounds like...MEDICARE! Medicare is completely regulated by the government, which makes it evil!

Government would also cut funding for Medicare... it cuts funding for an evil program...we should vote for this bill then, right? No? Now I'm really confused.

...and mandate “end life” counseling.

Now I'm going to ignore the lies in this phrase (there is no mandate; it's an option... and it's not "end life", it's a living will option so you can control your own destiny and not leave it up to other people) and focus on the word "counseling". Because as we all know, counseling is for pansies. No patriotic American would want that. That's something the French would do.

This health care system would depend on a rationing mechanism, and this rationing would begin with the elderly.

Now I'm confused again. Am I reading the right bill? I am? Oh, you're just lying. Got it. Also, I seem to have read somewhere that all free-market systems depend on rationing mechanisms. These mechanisms are called prices. In fact, prices are what we currently use to ration health care. In the current system. The system that you are defending. In your blog about hip, urban, conservatives. But it sure doesn't begin with the elderly. You see, they have Medicare.

No one should have the right to take away your right to life, even if you don’t have much longer to live.

Fair enough. Stop talking about it then. No one else is. It makes it sound like you're obsessed with killing Grandma.

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